Dutch Numb3rs

I’d like to round out this year with a little advice for all the friends and family who will be visiting next year. I need to warn you all about something that could mean the difference between a cheap meal, and my mom slapping you upside the head for spending WAY too much money on fake weed:


The Dutch have a hard time with numbers in English, both cardinal (think one, two, three, etc) and ordinal (think first, second, third, etc).

Let’s start with cardinal numbers. Every number above 20 is said one-and-twenty, or four-and-fifty. Which is annoying because when they’re dictating to you, you hear “twooooo” so you write 2, then these fuckers say “and-seventy” so now you gotta squeeze a goddamn 7 in front of your 2.

But that means that you need to be really careful with Dutchies when they’re telling you numbers in English because 9 times out of 10 they’ll say 27, but really they mean 72.

Now with ordinal numbers, they just add a -de to make it ordinal. So instead of fifth, it’s more like five-de. But English is weird, and they ALWAYS get it wrong. Even Marcel, and it’s hard not to laugh. The other day I heard someone say they were doing something on the 22nd, but instead they said the “twentytooth“. I damn near died but did my best to keep a straight face.

Now I’m not making fun of the Dutchies (that much). Lord knows I mess up my Dutch pronunciation. Quite often actually, to the endless amusement of my mother-in-law. But this is a very valid warning to all:

Never trust the Dutch with numbers.