I commute to work by train. I start in Utrecht and end in Amsterdam. Overall not a very long nor interesting journey. But I know it’s going to be a good day when I see one or more of my station buddies.
Now these dudes don’t know that we’re buddies, but my heart sings when I get the chance to see one of them. If the planets align and I get to see TWO of them in the same day, then I know nothing can go wrong. I’ve never seen all three in the same day, and quite frankly I’m afraid my tiny little heart wouldn’t be able to bear it.
Let’s start with buddy #1:
Now Foglavia seems like a chill dude. He’s called Foglavia because he’s the illegitimate lovechild of Dan Fogler (actor from Fanboys and Fantastic Beasts) and an old co-worker of mine whose name was something like Blublavia. Hence, Foglavia. I know it doesn’t quite roll off the tongue but it was the best I could come up with and it stuck.
I often see him in the morning as he’s rolling into Utrecht and I’m heading out. He’s always wearing ridiculous Kanye sunglasses, and strolls through that station with all the swagger and glory he can muster out of his rotund 5’4” frame. I haven’t seen him for a while, but that’s probably my fault because I’ve developed a dangerous habit of walking and reading at the same time.
And now for buddy #2:
In case you guys think I’m making this up, Marcel has actually had the divine privilege of seeing DudeBro. Now DudeBro got his name because I can only imagine that all of his conversations go like this:
“Dude! Have you tried that new protein powder bro? It’s lit!”
“Dude! Those were some sick reps bro!”
Hence, DudeBro. This guy looks like he saves a fortune on rent because he just literally lives at the gym.
Except he skips leg day.
Imagine Channing Tatum, about 6’4”, but with the body shape of Gru from Despicable Me. He cracks me up, especially since he walks like he has an actual stick up his butt… probably from all the weight lifting.
I also occasionally see him in the mornings when he’s arriving in Utrecht and I’m leaving.
Once or twice I’ve seen him and Foglavia on the same morning, but the gods know not to overload my senses so it’s usually one or the other.
And that brings us to my last buddy, my favorite, the incomparable, buddy #3:
Geriatric Emo Dude
How? How can one describe the indescribable? The divine? The most fascinating human being I’ve never met? Well. I’ll try.
I like to think that Geriatric Emo Dude was just a normal boring dude, with a normal boring life, who went to his mom’s house every Wednesday for dinner and every Saturday for lunch.
That is until 2004, when his entire life was changed, and he discovered… My Chemical Romance.
Now at this point, if my analysis and math is correct, he would have been around 44. But I gotta tell you, this band introduced him to a whole new world of Hot Topic, guyliner, and most importantly, emo hair.
I’m sure he fought with his mother, and I love to think he uttered the famous words, “It’s not a phase mom!!!”
And just to prove her wrong, he lived it, like truly LIVED the emo life. And, now, 14 years later, to his mother’s great disappointment, and my great amusement, he continues to live the emo life.
Every day I see him my heart skips a beat. He wears black studded boots, silver metallic sneakers with homemade sharpie customizations, sleeveless flannel shirts, leather vests, and he carries a black leather purse… I mean satchel… no I mean purse.
But my favorite thing??? His hair, oh sweet baby jayzus, his hair. Short in the back, long bangs swept across one eye in the front. And it’s dyed black, naturally. But he must do it at home because it’s super patchy, which allows me to see that he’s actually a graying ginger. And really is there anything better than that?
I love Geriatric Emo Dude. So freaking much.
And in case you think I’m lying or exaggerating about this one too, ask Jen, she’s seen him. He’s amazing.
So there you have it, my three buddies who don’t know we’re buddies. Who knows, maybe I’ll finally see all three on the same day, but if you receive an urgent call saying I’ve had a heart attack you’ll know why.